


Hesitation

by Shoujo_Nosferatu



Category: Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, i guess this is what you'd call, it's hopeful at the end tho, more like "rambling character exploration" tbqh, there's just a lot of crying sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 05:32:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4167786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shoujo_Nosferatu/pseuds/Shoujo_Nosferatu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ness ruminates in their final moments before the battle against Giygas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hesitation

I know we were always on a mission to save the world and stop Giygas and I know that no matter where we went there were people trying to cause trouble and monsters who had it out for us but there really were times when it just felt like we were all out on a trip together. Just us, no parents, no school, nobody to tell us what to do. I think that’s what helped us keep going.

I remember walking around Fourside at night with Jeff and Paula and it was the first time any of us had been to a big city, and we had to tilt our heads all the way back to see the tops of the buildings, and there were lights everywhere, and it was incredible. We got really really _really_ lost trying to find the hotel until I finally caved and used a payphone to call Escargo Express and have them give me my town map back. Jeff was pretty mad but I still thought it was fun.

Or when we made it all the way to Dalaam and to Pu’s palace, and—he’d told us that he was a prince but it never really clicked until then, when we saw all the gold and jewels and people running around ready to do anything he wanted them to. And he seemed right at home with all of it, offered us rooms in the palace for the night, showed us the throne, everything. It’s weird to think of him as the leader of a whole country. To all these people he’s royalty but to us he’s just this funny older kid who has intense eyebrows and doesn’t like hamburgers. I’m sure he does a really good job though. He’s so nice and works so hard for us so I’m sure he works hard for his people.

There was also the first time Paula and I stayed in a hotel together after she told her parents she was coming with me, and we stayed up all night bouncing on the beds and throwing her teddy bear around and showing off our psychic powers, or just talking about. A lot of stuff. Neither of us had met another kid with powers, before. And it was really nice having someone to talk to.

Back in Onett I would imagine that when the time came and Giygas called out my name to challenge me (I don’t know why I thought that’s the way it would happen) I’d step up and the brim of my hat would be covering my eyes and I’d tap my shoes against the dirt like a pro does when he goes up to bat. And I’d turn my head and spit and take my bat into both hands, and then I’d look up at Giygas, and I’d be ready. Even when we were down in the Lost Underworld I wanted it to be like that. And when Dr. Andonuts told us that there was a chance we’d never come back I wanted to tell him that I didn’t care, that we were ready, that nothing had stopped us before and nothing would stop us now. But I just felt scared. And kind of sick to my stomach. And I wanted to go home, but not the home that’s there right now. I wanted to go back to my home before the meteor fell.

But I’m supposed to be the Chosen One so I didn’t say that. I turned and asked the others what they thought and secretly (please never tell them) I hoped one of them would ask me to wait, that they weren’t ready, and I could be the kind of leader I’m supposed to be and give them some time and they wouldn’t have to know that I didn’t want to go, not yet, maybe not ever. But Pu had that look he gets like he’s ready for anything I ask of him, and Jeff wouldn’t look at me or say anything. Then I looked at Paula, and she looked at me, and I saw something in her eyes. And then she said, “You should call your mom, first.”

I told Dr. Andonuts to give us a little while, and he said sure, and so we went back to one of the Mr. Saturn’s homes. We ended up staying the night. I wanted to give everyone at least a day to get everything in order. Give them a chance to go home if they really wanted to. (I wanted to be understanding, because I wanted to go home too, but really I’m glad none of them left. I thought about having to face Giygas alone and it made me feel really empty, and a little nauseous, and I don’t actually know if I could’ve done it.)

I asked Paula if she wanted to call anyone. I remembered her dad. He seemed really worried when she left. I remember she looked down at her hands. “They’re going to want to know where we’re going and what’s going to happen, and how much _I_ know, how much I can see …” She was quiet for a little bit. Then she told me she’d just tell everyone all about it afterward. And I thought—maybe that meant she knew what was going to happen, and that we were going to be okay, and so I did the dumb thing and I asked her. And she sighed. And then she said, “I know we have to go. And that’s it.”

I’ve never seen Paula look so sad and I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded. But then when she didn’t say anything else, and, I. I wanted to help so I gave her a hug. She hugged me back. I held onto her for a long time and when she finally pulled away her eyes were red and puffy and she was sniffling and wiping her wet cheeks on her wrists. And because she started crying _I_ started crying. I couldn’t help it.

She still tried to smile at me. I tried smiling back, though I don’t think it was very good.

I asked Jeff if he had anyone back at school he wanted to call. I wanted to say, “your friend Tony seemed really worried about you” or maybe suggest that he talk to his dad, but I didn’t. Maybe I should’ve. Jeff just looked at his shoes and shook his head. With Dr. Andonuts around he’s been acting extra quiet and, I dunno. Jeff-ish. He just told me that he probably wouldn’t have time to come up with another gadget thing for us but he’d make sure everything was in top shape before we left. So I just said, that’s great. And, thanks.

I really hope he’s okay.

(I wish Paula had been there, then—she’s better at this than I am.)

I already knew what Pu would say but I asked him anyway. He told me that he’d follow me wherever I went, that he’d trained for years to follow me, that he knew it was his destiny and so he had total faith in me, which I think he means to be comforting but really it’s just weird and scary, because I don’t feel like anyone somebody should’ve spent their life training to follow. If anything I feel like we should be following him.

And then I wondered what Dalaam would do without its prince. If Pu had any brothers or sisters that could take the throne for him. It seemed weird that I didn’t know anything about his family. He never talked about them. He only ever mentioned his master. I wondered if his master would be sad or if he always knew that one day Pu would be gone. I wondered if he was scared. I was scared.

He told me something then. He was very quiet so I had to lean in to hear him. He told me about the final stage of his training, and a horrible vision he had to endure. How he felt his arms and legs being torn off and his eyes pulled out of their sockets, and how excruciating it was, and how he was meant to remain focused when faced with intense pain, sorrow and—worst of all, he said—complete and total silence. What was weird about it was that it was all vaguely familiar—like I’d had a dream like this before, that I couldn’t quite remember. When I didn’t say anything—I didn’t know what you were supposed to say, to something like that—he looked at me and told me how much it scared him. That he felt like he was dying, and was brought so close to wishing he was dying. But he kept his focus and made it through, and when he opened his eyes he saw only blue skies and pink clouds.

I just needed to find something to focus on, he said. And to hold it close to me, so that no matter what happens, I never lose hope. That I need to have something that Giygas can’t take from me, because he’ll take everything he can.

But it sounds like there’s nothing Giygas can’t take from me. I don’t know what to hold on to.

I thought about what Pokey would be like when we finally saw him, if we ever saw him again. Maybe he was already long, long gone. I thought about what could have happened to him and who the kid I met in Magicant was and if he was still around, anywhere. It was weird because I’d started to really hate him, for being such an unbelievable jerk, but after Magicant I remembered how we used to play together and. Now I don’t know what to think of him.

I thought about his little brother Picky all alone in his family’s big house. If he was there at all. Their house was dark like all the houses in Onett right now and I stood there knocking for a long time but nobody answered the door.

I thought about my mom and my little sister back home, huddled up in our house with all the lights turned off and the windows boarded up and the sounds of the sirens outside. I thought about Starmen breaking down the door and coming after them. I thought about how lonely my town felt with nobody in the streets and all the lights turned out and how we kept banging on peoples’ doors but nobody would come out to help us, nobody would even answer us to tell us what had happened, and I think that’s when I realized that we were all on our own, now.

At first it was cool and exciting to be out on our own. Back in Fourside or Summers, when we’d go to concerts and get hotel rooms to ourselves and we’d stay up late wandering the streets doing stupid stuff to pass the time on our way to the next town, but. Now.

I did call my mom again. I wanted to tell her and my sister goodbye, just in case. But I couldn’t get the words out and she started to sound worried and I didn’t want to scare them any more. So I just told her it’d be okay. And I hung up.

I called my dad, too. I updated him on our journey like I always did. I didn’t mention the stuff about never coming back.

I wish I coulda seen him before we left. I haven’t seen him in a long time. I can call him on the phone any time I want, but. It’s not the same.

That night when we went to bed I wanted to fall right asleep so I’d be ready to go tomorrow. But I stayed up all night.

(I hope nobody heard me cry. At least if they did, they didn’t say anything.)

I still felt scared and sick the next day, and tired. But I asked everyone if they were ready, and when they all told me that they were—Paula said “yeah” in a little voice and Pu said “always” and Jeff just nodded and looked very serious—then. Then Paula looked at me and asked me if I was ready. And I still wanted to go home but more than that I knew that—this was something that had to be done, and I was the person someone chose to do it, so. I had to do it. And it didn’t really seem fair, and it didn’t really seem right, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that we’d come all this way and to back down now would be. Just a big waste of time. And everyone I loved could get hurt, and they were all counting on me—on us—so we had to. I had to. And if my friends were ready then I needed to be ready, too.

So I said “yes” and we climbed into the machine.


End file.
